I knew going into this final chapter, it would be the closing to the book. I had a few ending words I would like to share with my readers. The bonus chapter is after this section.

This first section is an add to Chapter 2, where my mother-in-law moved out of state when her affair came out. I need to clear up a few things she has told people about him:

When she moved for 10 years it was NOT because he was a horrible person. How dare she tell people it was because of smoking and drinking. He was very involved in the Church early on in their marriage. Even when my husband was a young boy. He cooked for the Church and coached sports. It was through her manipulation and control that he pulled away from Church. My father-in-law thought the preacher and assistant were involved in knowing about her “affair situations.” So, his anger was placed towards them and the Church. Instead of his anger being placed at the person who was involved. She is great at playing the victim and making others always seem like the problem. However, having no accountability, blame shifting, manipulation, and constant lies can drag a person down. To a narcissist they do not comprehend what others go through, because what they want and how they feel are only what matters. I know for a FACT, the preacher and assistant did not condone any of it. They tried to stop her. So, the sisters- you can also stop saying that they are the ones who “messed her up,” she was like that before she got to that Church. My father-n law did what the bible instructed. He loved God, provided for his family, left a legacy, wealth which was generational for his son and grandchildren. He gave to charities.

I also want to point out a few things that have been forgotten and not acknowledged at all.

He loved her unconditionally.
He provided her with a secure stable life.
He gave her vacations every year.
He was the reason she could go back to school and get all those degrees.
He was his son’s stability.
He loved his grandchildren beyond words.
His family was more precious to him than anything and she has destroyed that sense of family because of her need for control and greed.
She disrespected him in marriage and disrespected in death by disregarding his final wishes.
Every part of their life financially was separate. They had separate bank accounts. His accounts were him and his son. She needed her son’s signature for those accounts. That is what mattered most to HER. Taking everything no matter the cost. But in her twisted thinking, she will give what she stole as a gift, so she can be adored and be seen as someone who loves and cares for her family.
He is the reason she has all the millions in IRA’s

Proverbs 13:22 (NKJV): “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.”

She sees her grandchildren maybe 4 times a year. 1.her birthday-where she shows up at their jobs and begs them to show up for her party, for her facebook post. 2.Their birthday together I give every year 3.Her son’s birthday 4.Christmas. This is because she created this life. She looks at her son and says” I am his mother.” Well, she did not account for the fact that I am their mother. They watched all of this unfold that entire year and a half. They knew their grandfather and they know her too. They know what their grandfather’s expectations were for his family, and it was not for her to destroy it. My mother-n-law stood in my kitchen and said her life has changed in no way since all this has started. I said, so you see your grandchildren? She replied…about the same. So, I guess she is ok with seeing them four times a year. She expects them to bend the knee and until they do, she will hold this “stolen inheritance” over everyone’s head. To leave it or not, when she passes away. Guess what? My lord provides. If she felt the need to continue to take after all the millions, then rest in Firey hell. Say it…God forgives her! No, in the Bible, atonement for a stolen inheritance requires both spiritual restitution before God and physical restitution to the victim. The offender cannot receive spiritual forgiveness without actively returning the stolen goods and paying a penalty. Atonement is required. I have given more than enough proof from scripture that anything acquired through deceitful means, especially inheritance, will only end one way! Unless it is restored. Not by a gift, but legally and lawfully in the original way, restitution is the only way.

Conscience

There are basic steps to know right from wrong. 1.what you choose must be good, 2. the reason that you choose it, your intentions must also be good, and 3.the circumstances surrounding it must be good. However, some actions are evil no matter what actions, like sleeping with a person we're not married to or theft. Some people do not agree with this. That these actions are intrinsically evil because they don't want to accept that some actions are wrong regardless of a good intention. So, every person has the right to act in conscience and in freedom however faced with a moral choice, conscience can make either a right or wrong judgment in accord with reason and the teaching of Jesus. It's not enough to do what we feel is right, we must do what is right according to reason and the teaching of God. God explained what is right and wrong and then the Holy Spirit inspired certain men to put that teaching in writing, in the scriptures, which are in a book and are to be used as a guide for life.

Why tell the truth and confess?

In today's world most people don't call what they do sin. They call it something else such as immature, psychological, or a behavioral issue. When they explain what they did, they don't feel bad about it. There's no guilt. There's just psychology. It is described as sin is a thing of the past. Some use less destructive language to describe their behavior problems, instead of sin they may speak of mental illness and hang ups. The best yet would have to be - instead of forgiveness, we speak of therapy and call it self-acceptance and so on. Smucker explains, “but all too often this language has encouraged a narcissistic self-preoccupation.” In the end, it wasn't that people don’t know how to tell the truth/confess or the importance of it. The major difficulty was insufficient conviction on behalf of the sinner. (Smucker, Marcus: The way of transformation. Vision (Winnipeg, Man.), 3 no 2 Fall 2002, p 29-35)

If I am the Problem…You are the reason.

There have been numerous people who have walked away from her for good. One being a very close friend. The story goes that my mother n law received a letter on her wedding day to her new husband from this friend who moved to Hawaii. Explaining how she didn’t want my mother-n-law to contact her anymore. My mother-n-law was extremely upset and insisted the letter was written and sent by her friend’s daughter…get ready for it “she’s crazy and she hates her.” Does that sound familiar? That is the lie she told everyone, because in no way could she be the issue. Ready for a Fun Fact moment? I reached out to that friend’s crazy daughter all the way in Hawaii. This was her response…I don’t know about any letter. What did it say? Well, I am glad my mom finally stood up for herself. It’s been years of her talking down, saying ugly things, just being hateful. The last trip they went on, she was extremely mean to her. I told her friends don’t treat you like she does. I guess she finally had enough of it. I am proud of her….You see everyone this is what a narcissist does, they are never the problem. She blamed the daughter because she can’t take accountability for the years she has treated the friend horrible. But let me guess, my mother-n-law probably paid for trips and bought gifts, so it was ok to be disrespectful.

Generational Curse

There are negative things that have been passed down. You see, God has said he had enough. This problem didn’t start with me, but it's going to end with me. I didn’t get to choose this battle. He knows it’s unfair what has happened, I have carried the weight of this baggage. God has raised me up to set a new standard and I'm not saying that to blame everything on the past. But this toxic behavior has been tolerated and accepted. Not just from my mother-n-law but the sisters too. The younger generation growing up will not be told to “ Get over it.” Money will not be used as a form of control. I have tons more examples I could give, so instead of being upset about anything I have mentioned so far, what should be said is Thank You! I selected what went in the book. There was plenty more I could have included. I understand that’s the way it’s always been done. Looking at the older generations, you respected and tolerated everything. That doesn’t work anymore.

Now on to the Bonus Chapter.

Crickets

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is an excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Phil 4:8

It has been seven months since my mother passed away. I stay so busy that I can’t stop long enough to feel her absence. From time to time, I forget and think I need to call her. So many emotions that I have yet to let myself release any grief. Not only the grief from my mother, but the loss from the family I thought I had. There have been so many firsts. When Mother’s Day was approaching, people would walk up and say… I am praying for you. I would stop and think-what they were talking about. That is how much I don’t want to acknowledge her absence in my life. But really- my mom was in pain at the end. I would rather her be able to go the way she did. Saying her goodbyes to everyone. Life is so precious, unpredictable, and should be valued every day. Always surround yourself with people you love. People that you don’t have to question their intentions. This life is yours! Live it, breathe it, be it, every single day. Don’t let a day pass that the ones you love, don’t hear you say.. I love you.

What do you say when there is nothing left to say? My mother’s passing has really made me put things in perspective. All the time I wasted trying to prove “whatever” to people that could care less. Believe me, the crickets have been acknowledged. While none of this situation was of my creation. There were choices that were made in order for the wrong doing to occur and the lies to be told. This situation was created to get what she wanted no matter who she hurt or the damage she caused. What I did not need was the slander and storytelling where I became the villain in the situation she chose. The silence speaks volumes. But do you know what else speaks volumes?…the countless funerals I attended. The many loved ones I mourned and stood by all of them. Showing up with sincere, genuine sadness, ready to help in any way. No matter if it was emotional, assisting with an after funeral get together or just a phone call to talk and cry. I was ALWAYS there. So, ask what I received when my mom passed. First the main clown that runs the circus was forbidden to show up, because she always makes everything about herself. I wasn’t having any of that, especially on that day. Next, both sisters came and brought some food to the house. One of the sisters came to the funeral, while the other had work responsibilities. Of course, it will be argued that if I don’t engage with them, how can they do anything. Which brings me to the overall point….it is not about reconciliation or making amends. We are now in 2026. All of this began in 2024. It should have been resolved in 2024. But due to the “get over it” and “you must comply” this is the result. This situation was created to get what she wanted no matter who she hurt. I am not engaging because I have nothing to say. This is because they all have left me no choice.

When people first hear about this book, they are not shocked at her actions. They are not even shocked by the sister’s involvement and being a flying monkey. The main question is…What does your husband think about his family? I really have no answer to that question. Every single person has asked that question. My husband did read the book at record speed. Given he doesn’t read books, I was surprised. He said that he appreciated the parts about his dad, it was touching what I wrote about him. Also, it helped him see my perspective better. But it didn’t change the fact that he wanted me to go back to the way things were before I found the missing document. So, he wants me to go back to the narcissistic abuse. I said… don’t I seem happier, free, not so weighed down waiting for her next attack? He said yes. I replied, then why would I go back to that way of living, I will not do it. She has said such hurtful things that I can not go back like nothing happened. Her version of family is a fantasy and a delusion.

My birthday came in March. Another first without my mom. I just wanted to stay home and do nothing. The sisters just popped on over and slid some cards on the counter. It wasn’t until after they left that I looked at the cards. Of course there were three cards. My mother-in-law had a card on the bottom. Once again, they do her bidding for her. This is the problem! I just cringe when I see her card. That’s what narcissistic abuse survivors go through. The sisters know there is “TENSION” (that’s what I have been told they are calling it). So why are you being a flying monkey? It promotes the problem. They are saying to me….we do not care that we lied, stole, damaged your marriage and family…we will continue to do it because nobody stands up to us.. we will do what we want… you can shut up and keep quiet. Well, God doesn’t sleep. I don’t need to keep score. The birthday cards were a great donation to the Church.

There is a difference people often refuse to see. I didn’t twist your character or create a version of someone that wasn’t real. I spoke from the places where I was hurt, from the moments that stayed long after, from the silence and the confusion people gave me when I deserved honesty. If my truth makes anyone uncomfortable, maybe it’s because somewhere inside, you recognize what you did. I am not speaking against anyone. I am just sharing what I have experienced. If that makes certain people look bad, that is because of their actions, not my words. I am not responsible for protecting their image after what they did affected my entire life. They know how much I love them; how much I valued them as my family. They also know the role they played. People know when they have wronged you. But those same people often create a story in their minds to JUSTIFY their actions. They do this to ease their guilt. It is not that they do not realize the truth. It is that they are so aware of it that they have convinced themselves otherwise. If they hate me, that’s valid. I have proof that doesn’t fit the narrative she told. It’s easier to attack the person exposing the lie than to admit the version you sold was built on manipulation. That kind of shame turns the truth into a threat. So that’s why I am called “Crazy.” The difference between you and me is that I did not have to twist the truth to make you look bad. The Truth did that on its own.

When someone knows you have been harmed and says they don’t want to get involved, believe them. That silence is a CHOICE. That neutrality is a SIDE. Safe people don’t stand back when someone is being hurt. They don’t watch abuse unfold and call it keeping the peace. If someone can sit in the middle while you are being broken, they were never in your corner to begin with. Sometimes the daughter-in-law isn’t the problem. I am just the mirror showing a family the reflection they have been avoiding for decades.

Law, Morality and Free will

Law is “a rule of conduct enacted by competent authority for the sake of the common good.” Moral law is God’s “fatherly instruction” which leads us to union with Him. All other laws: eternal law, natural, revealed, civil and ecclesiastical, are all a part of moral law, which finds it’s fullness in Christ. Law is an ordinance of reason because man has been given the gift of reason, intellect, and discernment to govern his conduct. The natural law is written and engraved in the soul of each and every man, because it is human reason ordaining him to do good and forbidding him to sin. The gift of reason gives man the capability to know and discern that there is a good and evil choice. His free-will gives him the responsibility of choosing which he is going to follow. This moral responsibility calls man to participate in promoting and supporting the common good, both in his personal life and public life.

Let God Redeem

Jesus is capable of doing more in our hearts than we ever thought possible. Sometimes we look with an eye of hopelessness. He sees hope where we see just simple darkness and pain. Don’t just forget about the pain. The Lord says don't simply forget about the wounded person that you were, let me redeem it. Let me show you where I was, let me show you- your goodness. Let me show you the truth, that you couldn't see because you were in pain and trauma. That is exactly what God did for me. He showed me where he was when I was going through all this pain. I was never alone. He was always with me, but it required me to obey and acknowledge what he has always been showing me.

Inner healing and freedom are referred to God's ability to heal us from the wounds caused by the sins of others. Through inner healing God can heal those places in our heart. When we talk about spiritual healing and emotional healing, that means freedom. Freedom from the influence of the enemy.

I would like to thank all my readers for sharing in my journey. It has been a difficult road to travel. While I lost ones I loved along the way, God was there in every step. As I close this chapter of my life, I pray this book helps others find their acceptance in God and not worldly people. Your obedience to God is more important than people’s opinions. For those of you experiencing narcissist abuse, it is real, you cannot fix them, it will only get worse. Just know that You matter to God, let him be your vindicator. Don’t let one rotten apple, just like the garden of eden ruin your connection with humanity. We are built for connection with others, just be selective. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Brandy Shaffett

Brandy Shaffett

Crickets

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